Trump Brags About Brain as He Goes on Manic Posting Spree

President Donald Trump boasted about his cognitive abilities while launching a scathing attack against his rivals in a new series of consecutive posts on the “Truth Social” platform this Thursday.

Trump, 79, trumpeted that he had “aced” his cognitive tests, while simultaneously directing sharp criticism at his two predecessors: Barack Obama and Joe Biden. These events unfolded amidst a bizarre deluge of posts targeting a wide array of public figures—ranging from the German Chancellor to House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.

In one of his posts, he wrote: “Anyone running for President or Vice President should be REQUIRED to take a cognitive test before entering the race! That way, we wouldn’t be surprised by the election of people like Barack ‘Hussein’ Obama or ‘Sleepy Joe’ Biden.”

He added: “Our country would be far better off! I took this test three times during my presidency (‘three times!’), and I aced it all three times—a feat rarely accomplished before, even once, according to doctors!”

Trump has frequently and at length boasted about acing what he described as an “extremely difficult” test—this, despite the fact that the primary objective of the test is to detect potential cognitive impairment, rather than to measure mental capacity or general intelligence.

The test is known as the “Montreal Cognitive Assessment” (MoCA); it is a 10-minute screening tool, scored out of 30 points, designed to evaluate cognitive domains such as short-term memory, executive functions, and visuospatial abilities. The test questions involve tasks such as identifying animals depicted in images, reading a list of letters and numbers, and performing basic arithmetic calculations.

Last month, Trump told members of his cabinet: “I am the only president who has ever taken a cognitive test. I took it three times. In fact, this test is considered very difficult for many people, but it wasn’t for me.” He continued: “It is a cognitive test; it starts with an easy question, but by the time you reach the halfway point, the questions become more difficult.

By the end, very few people are able to answer these questions, as they involve extremely arduous mathematical equations and complex problems. I took the test on three separate occasions, and I passed it with flying colors every time, in the presence of a large number of doctors whose identities I do not know.”

Trump—the oldest person ever to assume the U.S. presidency—has been under constant scrutiny regarding his health, due to his verbal slips, signs of public drowsiness, bruising on his hands, and swelling in his ankles. The White House has consistently maintained that the President is in “excellent” health.

The President posted 13 messages within the span of five hours, stretching from Thursday morning into the afternoon.

In one of his posts, Trump labeled Representative Jeffries a “low-IQ individual,” in response to remarks the latter made regarding the Supreme Court following a landmark ruling likely to reshape the balance of power in the battle for control of Congress.

“Hakeem Jeffries just called the Supreme Court of the United States an illegitimate Court!” Trump said. “This is a Low IQ individual, who should not be allowed to talk that way about one of the Greatest Institutions anywhere in the World. He should withdraw the statement, IMMEDIATELY!”

For some unexplained reason, this verbal attack was accompanied by a photograph of Trump in which he appears to strike a menacing pose, leaning over the famous “Resolute” Desk in the Oval Office. Jeffries’s team did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

In another post, Trump also offered some “reformist advice” to German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, after the European ally stated that “an entire nation is being humiliated” by Iranian leaders in the context of their conflict with the United States.

“The German Chancellor should spend more time putting an end to the war between Russia and Ukraine (where his role has been totally ineffective!) and fixing his own dysfunctional country—particularly regarding immigration and energy,” Trump asserted. “He should spend less time meddling in the affairs of those working to eliminate the Iranian nuclear threat, thereby making the world—including Germany—safer.”

The German Embassy in Washington, D.C. did not immediately return a request for comment.

The President also launched a fresh attack against the “radical left lunatics,” renewing his calls for the abolition of the legislative “filibuster” procedure. Furthermore, he urged “all great Louisiana Republicans” to vote to oust Bill Cassidy from office during the upcoming Republican primaries.

Nor did Trump forget Jimmy Kimmel, whom he described as “not funny at all,” calling on the ABC network to take him off the air.

“When is ‘Fake News’ ABC going to fire Jimmy Kimmel—that guy who isn’t funny at all and who pathetically hosts one of the lowest-rated shows on television?” Trump asked. “People are angry. It should happen very soon!!!”

Representatives for ABC and Disney did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

However, Trump’s intensity appeared to soften when the subject turned to members of the British Royal Family, whom he showered with praise and compliments during their official visit to the United States.

“In honor of the King and Queen of the United Kingdom—who have just left the White House and are preparing to return to their wonderful country—I am going to lift tariffs and restrictions on whiskey, and specifically those regarding Scotland’s ability to collaborate with Kentucky on the production of whiskey and bourbon,” he announced.

He added: “The King and Queen managed to get me to do something that no one else had been able to accomplish—and they did it without even explicitly asking me! It is a tremendous honor to welcome them both here, to the United States of America.”